What number of championships WOULD the Bulls have gained with Elon Musk? A scientific investigation

Scottie Pippen has turned engagement farmer in an effort to advertise a shitcoin. It’s one hell of a fall for an NBA Corridor of Famer, however getting observed by Elon Musk appears to be a well-liked means for determined individuals to generate income lately with their verified Twitter accounts.

This weekend the bootlicking went past the pale with one of many stupidest questions and pictures to ever grace social media.

It’s one factor for a delusional fool to tweet like this, however Scottie is aware of the NBA and he is aware of rattling nicely how silly that is. Actually, anybody who has watched two seconds of NBA basketball of their lives is aware of how moronic this lob is, except you worship the bottom Elon walks on.

Let’s break this down with science although. How would Elon Musk have faired on the 1995-98 Bulls, amidst Jordan’s second three-peat after getting back from retirement?

What can we find out about Elon Musk, the athlete?

It comes all the way down to this actually.

Picture by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Pictures

The important thing to this picture is the bunting, which I’ve remoted because the “Full Flats with Stars & Stripes,” bought for $122.68 on the web site “Flag and Banner.” Elon was instantly consistent with the patriotic bunting when he jumped, and which means we will use this to find out his vertical leap.

Flag and Banner checklist the bunting as having a 3 foot top, or 36”. From picture evaluation we will instantly decide the peak of every banner part. It’s roughly 0.42 inches per pixel from the highest of the banner to the underside of the Flag and Banner preview picture. Elon’s heel falls roughly three pixels under the blue starred part of the banner. Which means that projecting Elon’s vert onto the banner provides us a vertical leap of 33 pixels, or a vertical leap of 13.86 inches.

Elon Musk is listed at 6’2, which we’ll take as truth. The final a part of the equation is figuring out Elon’s wingspan. Fortunately this picture of him with Ghislaine Maxwell is ideal to work out his arm size.

Elon most certainly wears a 42 lengthy tuxedo coat, which has a sleeve inseam of 23” and a chest width of 19.5. With Elon’s fingertips falling just under the underside line of the coat we will calculate his complete wingspan to be roughly 5’11, although we’ll spherical as much as a fair six ft to be secure.

Which means that the quantity of efficient top a leaping Elon Musk can contest a shot at is 9’2.

So the place does Elon match into the rotation?

Musk is a crucial a part of the Bulls’ possibilities In Scottie’s assertion. Meaning he must be a starter. If we have a look at the 1995 Chicago Bulls roster there’s just one place he matches, and that’s level guard. Clearly his top and normal lack of athleticism wouldn’t permit him to contest something across the rim, so sadly for Ron Harper he’s getting bounced out of the beginning lineup, Steve Kerr’s minutes drop too — and the Bulls have a lineup of:

PG: Elon Musk
SG: Michael Jordan
SF Scottie Pippen
PF: Dennis Rodman
C: Luc Longley

The results of this?

Let’s simply be actual right here: Elon would common 0.0 factors within the NBA. It is a uncooked manufacturing drop of 8.4 factors per recreation from the purpose guard place, which actually wasn’t an emphasis of the Bulls’ offense.

The principle downside for Chicago is on the defensive finish, the place Harper was four-time NBA All-Defensive crew participant. You’re changing a man who might lock down opposing level guards with … Elon Musk.

Let’s assume your complete common season went to plan. The Bulls nonetheless handle to win 72 video games and go all the best way to the NBA Finals in opposition to the Seattle Supersonics. It’s right here that all the things goes to hell.

Elon Musk is now tasked with guarding Gary Payton. NBA Corridor of Famer Gary Payton. The identical Gary Payton who averaged 18.0 factors within the sequence when he was being guarded primarily by Ron Harper, who allowed 106 factors per 100 defensive possessions throughout this sequence.

Musk can be the worst defender on the Bulls, and the injury he would trigger by permitting Payton to breeze by him on nearly each possession is incalculable. It’s secure to estimate that GARY PAYTON would rating at the very least 30 factors per recreation on this sequence with Musk guarding him, and that is perhaps conservative. Certain, we might assume that MJ comes over to double Payton (as a result of at this level he has to), which would depart open Hersey Hawkins, who was the Sonics finest perimeter shooter through the 1995-96 season.

If we keep in mind the extra 12 factors a recreation from Payton, in addition to the lack of 6.5 factors that Harper scored within the sequence we’ve a -18.5 level swing for the Bulls. Right here’s what occurs in that sequence.

Sport 1: Sonics win 102-101 (Bulls gained 107-90)
Sport 2: Sonics win 100-85 (Bulls gained 92-98)
Sport 3: Bulls win 101-98 (Bulls gained 108-86)
Sport 4: Sonics win 119-80 (Sonics gained 107-86)
Sport 5: Sonics win 101-72 (Sonics gained 89-78)

Sonics win 1995-96 NBA Championship (4-1)

So, what in regards to the two years following? Oh, my candy summer time little one… it will get a lot worse. In each 96-97 and 97-98 the Bulls confronted the Utah Jazz. Now you’re asking Elon Musk to protect John Stockton, who shot 40% from three through the sequence.

Each sequence had been nearer than the Bulls-Sonics from 95-96. Stockton simply lights up Elon from past the arc, and fast estimations inform me the Jazz sweep the Bulls in each sequence.

So to reply Scottie Pippen’s query…

“What number of championships would we’ve gained with Elon Musk?”

Destructive six. Six fewer. Neither of the 2 three peats occur. The whole world wonders why a sluggish, unathletic billionaire is taking part in level guard for the Chicago Bulls. The whole dynasty crashes down. Phil Jackson is considered the worst coach in NBA historical past for beginning somebody as dangerous as Elon on the level. Jordan possible by no means returns from his retirement, realizing it could imply taking part in with Elon once more.

I hope that solutions your query, Scottie.